


The Clerk's Tale

by owlbsurfinbird



Series: The Cambridge Tales [2]
Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: College, Gen, Humor, Lewis Summer Challenge 2014, People are idiots, punting, summer job
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-10 23:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2044989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlbsurfinbird/pseuds/owlbsurfinbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James encounters a typical American student--from California</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Clerk's Tale

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to the_small_hobbit for Brit-pick and beta-read!

**The Real, Like, True Tale of Henry the Eighth, As Told By An American Teenager**

**Cambridge, 1997**

"Henry the Eighth—," James stood on the till at the stern. It was a sparkling day, fluffy white clouds high in an azure sky, a soft breeze ruffled his hair. He put aside the clicking shutters and the insipid chatter of his group by concentrating on re-telling history with a dramatic flair. "— had six wives—"

"He didn't. He had eight. That's what the eight stands for." 

The young woman was American, no more than sixteen. Helping her into the punt, he noticed that she was wearing running shorts that read 'Bootylicious' across the bum, her blond hair was in an absurd looking ponytail near the top of her head, and she oozed insolence and patchouli oil. Her parents seemed exhausted. He imagined them falling asleep before he got past the first bridge.

"The eight means that he was the eighth man named Henry to sit on the throne. He had six wives," Hathaway said, patiently. 

"Eight wives. That's what the eight stands for, don't you get it? God, this is so stupid. Like, we can't even get a decent guide. Mom? Mom? MOM! He says Henry the Eighth had six wives."

"I'm sure he didn't have them all at once, dear, so it's okay."

"But he had eight, mom. I learned that in school."

James bit back a retort. "Name them," he said, deadly calm, not adding, let's see if you can count.

"Half were Anne, half were Katherine, and there was one Jane. Eight."

"How many were named Anne?" James said, curious despite himself.

"Four. Duh. And four were Katherine and one Jane."

"That's nine."

"The eight," she said, imperiously, voice rising, "stands for the number of wives you get. Everyone knows that. Duh."

James bit his lip, giving up. They were coming up to the Mathematical Bridge. He resorted to the fallacy uttered by the other punters. "This is the bridge that Isaac Newton built. Do you know Isaac Newton?"

"Yeah. He invented gravity."

James nodded. "Yep. Isaac Newton, the inventor of gravity, hammered actual nails into this bridge using a pneumatic nail gun," he said, sarcastically.

"Cool," said the American girl.  
 

**Author's Note:**

> Taken from an actual conversation overheard in London, June 23, 2014.


End file.
